Bite Me Mary Sue
by Ivy-hime
Summary: A GW fic with author insertion. Rated for some slight language, weird humor and bad puns, read at the risk of your own sanity.


Bite Me Mary Sue --- By Ivy Let's see... pre-warnings/notes eh? No shounen-ai or yaoi. There is self-insertion and some het at the beginning, but nothing at all graphic. AU-ish sort of. I rate it PG. Oh and incase you don't know, a Mary Sue fic is an author insertion fic.  
Take this fic without my permission and die, however if you'd like to take it you can [email me][1] and we'll talk.  
Oh and [Gaile][2], this one's for you!  
And on another note, this is my first REAL fanfic ever (well excluding some Sailor Moon ones I wrote ages ago), so please bare with me here.  
  
DISCLAIMER: Gundam Wing and Characters are in no way shape or form mine. Although I do own Heero's shorts ~_^  
Bite Me Mary Sue! written by Ivy  
  
  


> Five highly aroused gundam pilots surrounded the slim form of the sexy girl. Trowa, who was in front of her, let desire sparkle through his emerald eyes. Behind her Quatre and Wufei were breathing heavily, as were Heero and Duo to her side. In one heart beat the five pilots pounced her, stripped her naked and screwed her silly.

  
Ivy wrinkled her nose and stopped reading. This just wasn't right. Something HAD to be done!  
  


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Hours and hours of typing away on the computer and she was stumped. So she was good with computers, but hacking files to find the 5 most illusive, deadliest guys in the universe was another story. A while of pondering and finally a lightbulb turned on in her head. "To the Batmobile!" she yelled with a finger in the air, which came back down to her side with a sigh. "I mean... to the Oldsmobile". Two hours later, Ivy had finally begged one of her parents enough to drive her to the airport. (Ivy doesn't even have her permit yet, you know)   
  


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Stowed away nice and safe on a plane headed to the Sanq Kingdom, Ivy snickers to herself.   
  
  
It was a sunny day, Relena Peacecraft enjoyed it. Outside in the fresh afternoon sun, smelling the fresh flowers she picked. She lay them in a shallow basket and looked over to the side. "AAHHHHH!". The usually brave and fearless, now scared-out-of-her-mind, Relena could be heard across the garden. She looked up at the girl who just tackled her. She had brown hair and eyes, and dressed in a spaghetti strap shirt and khaki pants. "Ano... can I help you?" Relena really didn't know what to say, but the other girl nodded. "Okay then, can you get off me first?" the weird girl nodded again, got off her tackled victim and proceeded to drag the confused Peacecraft to the mansion near-by.   
  
Relena sipped her tea as she read the paper that was handed to her. Ivy just looked at her, waiting for a reaction. And it happened, Relena choked and fell on the floor. Ivy walked over, hoping she didn't kill the other girl before she could get what she came for. Relena got up and coughed a bit before replying, "I see. Well Ivy-san, you certainly have good reasons then. I'll help you.".   
  
A few hours and phone calls by Relena later, a fax comes in. Relena hands over all of the in-coming papers to the brown haired girl who was waiting eagerly. "Here's all the information you'll need, go here and there will be a private jet waiting for you. Good lu-" Relena was cut short as the other girl had already zipped out the door.   
  


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Ivy sighs as she looks up at the small safe-house //_now or never..._// she thinks to herself. Noting that the door is unlocked, she drags it open. 5 pairs of eyes flash on her with a look of surprise, soon followed by 3 guns, one sword, and one tea pot that are pointed at her. "Yes, excuse me. My name is Ivy and I'm sorry to bother you, I won't be here long. You see I'm here to prove that you won't just look at some fanfic author and pounce her, strip her naked, and screw her silly.". The five boys turned and conversed silently. Ivy grinned, she was right! They wouldn't do it! Her grin faded when the five eyes were back on her and she was soon surrounded by five pilots. Before she could say anything else, the five pilots pounced her and stripped her naked....   
  


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The first thing Ivy noticed when she woke up was that her back was cold. The second thing she noticed was that she was totally naked. The third thing she noticed was that the reason her back was cold was because it was up against the wall... which she was chained to.   
  
Great.   
  
"Oi! OI!!!! OOOOOOIIIII!!!!" Yelling at the top of her lungs brought no response. It seemed that the supposedly empty room was... empty.   
  
Great.   
  
Figuring that panicking would be stupid in this situation, Ivy sighed and decided to figure out how to escape. Her gaze wandered around the room, then fixed on an unsigned note placed below her feet.  


> "Dear Onna,...."

  
Gee! Wonder who wrote this!  


> "For being a stupid onna, a fanfic author, and trespasser; you have been punished. Justice will be served. As you will notice we have pounced you, stripped you naked and screwed you silly (hint: your bonds)."

  
Ivy mentally scratched her head, then looked over at the bonds holding her wrists and ankles to the wall. And there we are, the bonds were tightly secured to the wall with many, MANY screws.   
  
Her eyebrow twitched "BASTAAAAAARRRDDDDSSSS!!!!!!!!!!"   
  


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In a new safe-house, hundreds of miles away, Wufei looked up from his book, "Hey Duo..." Duo looked at Wufei over the top of his manga "Yeah Wu?" Wufei tilted one of his ears up "Did you.... hear something?" Duo blinked "Um, no, why?" Wufei shrugged "Eh, I don't know, never mind."   
  
  


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Owari!  
  
Well whaddya think?  
Duo: "Haha! You got what you deserved!"  
GRR! Shuddup Duo! Ano... can someone get me off this wall now?  
~_^ Ivy

   [1]: mailto:sailorsuitedheroine@hotmail.com
   [2]: http://braided-baka.net



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